


I Will Sing No Requiem

by The_annoying_fangirl



Series: Daughter one-shots [2]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Anger, Angst, Based on a Dear Evan Hansen Song, Dear Evan Hansen References, Denial, Depression, Grief/Mourning, Musical References, Sad, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-26
Updated: 2018-04-26
Packaged: 2019-04-28 07:24:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14444304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_annoying_fangirl/pseuds/The_annoying_fangirl
Summary: Inspired by the song "Requiem" from the musical Dear Evan Hanson.Sherlock's daughter stands at his grave and she is not sad.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just a song fic, ever since I first heard requiem I've been thinking about this and I finally wrote it... Might turn it into a two-shot so we can see her and Sherlock seeing each other again? Idk.

If you asked Hannah and she were to give you an honest answer without fearing what you thought, she'd say it doesn't hurt. She would tell you stories of her childhood spent putting in ever inch of herself into being perfect and still not being good enough, or hiding in her room because he was high, or, God forbid, staying at Mycroft's place because he couldn't be bothered to sober up for his only child. When he did finally begin to truly ease off of the drugs, it was because of John Watson and cases and murders and what not. She meant nothing to her father when he was alive so why should he mean something to her when he's dead?

"How you doing?" Mrs. Hudson asked.

"Fine." Hannah replied, shrugging the old ladies hand off of her shoulder. She didn't want her sympathy. She didn't want anyone's sympathy, she didn't need it.

"I know it's a bit hard, but it'll get better with time, Dear." she said. Hannah sighed. She didn't bother trying to tell her that Sherlock being dead didn't effect her at all, but she knew what they would all say. Denial. Everyone expected her to scream and cry and break down but she didn't feel the need to. She felt the same as she did a few days before. Before anything happened. Sherlock's unexpected death changed nothing but where she was living. John had already pretty much taken up guardian the moment he showed up so it wasn't like anything was different.

"You know, it's okay to cry. No one's judging you." Mrs. Hudson said. Hannah needed to be alone. She needed to get Mrs. Hudson to leave but that wouldn't happen until she saw some sign of emotion.

"I- I just need a moment." she said, frowning and copying her father's acting skills. She nodded.

"Of course sweetheart, John and I will be waiting at the car." she said. Hannah just nodded and watched as they walked away. She walked towards the sleek black headstone with nothing but his name spread across the front. It looked wrong, seeing all of the flowers piled up around it as if it meant anything. He was dead, what did he care about flowers? It was a gesture he would scoff at.

She kicked a loose stone and watched as it flew up with bits of dirt before falling only a few centimeters away. She paced in front of Sherlock's grave before finally stopping in front of it, crossing her arms. What would he think of all this? She felt the urge to begin talking like they do in the movies and she knows many do I real life. She knew it was stupid but if there was one thing that did upset her about the whole ordeal, it was that she would never have the chance to really lay it into him how angry he made her. She needed to get it out.

Only a foot away her father squinted his eyebrows, waiting to see what she would do, confused at her apathy. Hannah was the type to keep her heart on her sleeve, the type that would get overly emotional at the smallest of things. Why was she so careless now?

"So the whole talking to a grave thing is dumb because I'm literally just talking to a bunch of dirt and a dead body but what the hell. Everyone expects me to do something so here I am doing something." she said, kicking at the earth below her, "You know, everyone expects me to be upset and weepy but I'm not. Why should I pretend? John and Mrs. Hudson knew a side of you that I never could because I just wasn't that important to you and I can't remember you the way they do. I can't be sad the way they are because to everyone else you were a great son and friend and brother but to me you weren't even there. I- I didn't even know you. What am I supposed to do? Lock myself in a room and sob for a man who didn't even care about me?! How am I supposed to cry for you?" she asked, anger filling her.

 _Why should I play this game of pretend?_  
_Remembering through a secondhand sorrow?_  
_Such a great son and wonderful friend_  
_Oh, don't the tears just pour_

 _I could curl up and hide in my room_  
_There in my bed, still sobbing tomorrow_  
_I could give in to all of the gloom_  
_But tell me, tell me what for_

"My heart and mind is in tact and just as it was before. I'm not going to fall apart and break into pieces for you. Everyone expects me to play the grieving girl and cry about missing you. Everyone wants me to say some sappy movie line like 'my world has gone dark without your light' but I won't, because it's stupid. I will not sing a requiem for you."

 _Why should I have a heavy heart?_  
_Why should I start to break in pieces?_  
_Why should I go and fall apart for you?_

_Why should I play the grieving girl and lie_   
_Saying that I miss you_   
_And that my world has gone dark without your light?_   
_I will sing no requiem tonight_

"I did everything to be what you wanted. Who you wanted. Worked so hard to make you proud but it was never enough. Do you know how many times something you did or said to me left me sobbing in my room. Nothing but broken pieces that you always left behind because you didn't care. It didn't matter what pain I was going through, you never had anything to say. So why should I break down now when the one person who broke me before is dead?" she was almost shouting, her fists balled up in anger. Sherlock watched from the bushes, eyes casted down in guilt.

_I gave you the world, you threw it away_   
_Leaving these broken pieces behind you_   
_Everything wasted, nothing to say_   
_So I can sing no requiem_

"I will cry for you about the same amount everyone is crying for Moriarty. The villain that the kingdom will never weep for. No one will light a candle or mourn for him because he's a villain and in my world, so are you." her voice was raspy, tears beginning to rise despite her.

_'Cause when the villains fall, the kingdoms never weep_   
_No one lights a candle to remember_   
_No, no one mourns at all_   
_When they lay them down to sleep_

"Everyone is trying to tell me you were a good man. I'm hearing stories from your homeless network and people you saved who all think you're amazing but I know better. They try to tell me that you're good deep down and there's good and bad in you, that you were both, that it wasn't black and white but it has to be. After all you put me through how could anyone say you aren't the monster that I knew?!"

 _So, don't tell me that I didn't have it right_  
_Don't tell me that it wasn't black and white_  
_After all you put me through_  
_Don't say it wasn't true_  
_That you were not the monster_  
_That I knew_

She sunk to her knees, shaking her head as a few tears escaped. She closed her eyes tightly.

"After everything and... With all of this I... I cannot play the grieving girl. I cannot miss you. I can't... I can't..." she allowed herself to break down into sobs, loud and angry and demanding. Even after all she had said about not crying and there she was. A mess.

 _'Cause I cannot play the grieving girl and lie_  
_Saying that I miss you_  
_And that my world has gone dark_

He was never going to get the chance to be better. To be her father, to love her, and that hurt like hell. 


	2. IDEA!

WHAT IF I MADE AN ENTIRE BOOK BASED OFF OF DEAR EVEN HANSEN BUT MADE IT WIGGINS OR SOMETHING AND SHERLOCK'S DAUGHTER?! LIKE SHERLOCK IS CONNER, HANNAH IS ZOE AND THE OTHER GUY IS EVAN? THOUGHTS?!


End file.
